Is This Really Me?

Straight talk about fake messages — and one small thing for your own family

Things I will never do

If a message asks you for any of this, it isn't me. I don't care how right it sounds or whose voice is on the phone.

  • ✕Ask you for money, card numbers or bank details. Not by text, not by email, not on a call.
  • ✕Tell you my payment details have changed. They haven't.
  • ✕Ask for your child's social security number, or a photo of your ID, by text or email.
  • ✕Send you an urgent link to log in, confirm your place, or verify anything.
  • ✕Ask you to keep something from your child's other parent.
  • ✕Rush you. I have never once needed you to do something in the next five minutes.

If something feels off

1

Stop. Don't answer them.

Whoever it is needs you moving fast. Slowing down is most of the defence right there.

2

Hang up and call my cell.

(586) 601-8258

The number you've had all year, already in your phone — not a number from the message.

3

Ask me something only I'd know.

What did they eat yesterday? Who were they glued to at drop-off? Ask away. I will never be annoyed that you checked — honestly, it'll make my day.

Why I'm telling you this

Voice copying got good, and it got good fast. A few seconds of somebody talking — a video, a voicemail, anything online — is enough now to make a convincing fake of them.

I'm not trying to frighten anyone. These things still fall apart the second somebody hangs up and calls a number they already had. That's the whole trick. It always was.

A personal note from Kelly

Pick a family password this week

My daughter is twenty-eight and lives in England, three and a half thousand miles from here. The version of this that has my attention isn't somebody pretending to be me. It's a call in her voice saying she's in trouble and needs money now.

That call is real. It happens to families every day, and it works precisely because of how much you love them. So Meg and I are picking a word, and I'd like you to pick one too. It takes two minutes at the dinner table.

  • Say it out loud, never type it. Not in a text, not in the group chat, not in your notes app. Spoken only. That's what keeps it out of reach.
  • Use it any time a call asks you to do something. Money, an emergency, a change of plan, somebody collecting a child. "What's our word?" ends it in one second if it isn't really them.
  • Tell the grandparents. This is the one that gets me. "Hello, it's me, I'm in trouble" goes straight for them, and they're the least likely to have heard it's a thing.
  • If you've got little ones, they'll love it. A secret family word is a game to a four-year-old. You never have to sit down and explain what a scam is.
  • Change it if you ever say it in front of somebody you don't know well. No drama. Just pick a new one over dinner.

Two more small ones while I'm here. Turn on two-step sign-in for your email — it's the key to every other account you own, and most people haven't done it. And if your voicemail greeting is you talking, that's a free sample of your voice for anyone who rings. The standard robot greeting is duller and safer.

You trust me with your children. Watching your back a bit feels like part of the same job.

— Kelly

Any childcare provider is welcome to take this page, put their own name and number on it, and give it to their families. It works better the more of us use it.